I learned tonight that my married friends will be divorcing each other in the near future. I learned that they couldn't make it work. That they are getting along better now- separated- then they ever were together.
I can't tell them this now but they were a role model couple to me. Not because they had a perfect marriage like some people do, but because they had an imperfect marriage. The kind I grew up with. The kind that always ended in divorce. But you see my friends were different- They had struggles but they came through them. They had their differences but kept going. But in the end it was too hard. In the end they will divorce. And they are okay- They are on good terms with each other now. Their biggest struggle is no longer each other but from the backlash of friends, family and church.
I will be having coffee with one of them this weekend. I love both of these people. I wish and pray that it wouldn't end like this. That they would stay together. And the sad thing is that I want them to stay together for them, but also for me. So I can have that hope back. Selfish, desperate hope that even though marriage is hard- and it is- it can work. It is worthwhile. It is worth protecting. Even I could do it. But I'm just not confident anymore.
I understand and agree that this is none of my business, and that it is self centered of me to make this even an inch about me. Still, I feel these feelings. I think our culture wants us to forget that our personal decisions and actions do not affect us only, but those all around us. We are a community. And every day we are a community more and more fragmented.