There have been new developments in my life as of late. I've finally settled into my new job and no longer feel like a complete space cadet. Truthfully though my rampant tardiness could prove fatal if I don't get on track. I've spoken with my boss and found we are like minded about this. Actually I walked in late one morning to find him at my desk. With a copy of my time sheet. And a highlighter. Oh goody. So in response, I reached into my drawer and pulled out my own copy of a time sheet. Highlighted. My boss laughed. Like mindedness is awesome except when it is about how you much you suck. And when it comes to being on time- I suck. Otherwise I feel that my boss is satisfied with my work..or at least hides it well if he is not.
I have also, for the very first time in my life, entered into a real and romantic relationship. There is no confusion that I am now someone's girlfriend. Scares the Hell out of me. What on earth am I doing with this interesting, affectionate, dorky, half immature, terribly broke man who seems to like me- as Bridget Jones would say- "just as I am." I want to be with him, and yet, I want to run as far away from him (and relationships in general) at the same time. Is he the right one? I don't know. And I feel like I'm supposed to know.
So with the perfect job (perfectly reasonable at any rate) and the perfect guy (for the moment) I have one question; Why, oh why, am I still overeating? Why am I woofing down raw cake mix by the spoonful? And sitting on my butt hour after hour? I thought if other areas of my life improved so would my eating habits. There is no pressure to be thin. I'm with a guy who likes my body, thinks its awesome I can polish off a pint of Ben and Jerry's, and doesn't need me to look like a super model. I'm getting the acceptance I always wanted with all the weight. There is no need to eat to protect myself or hide myself anymore. So why am I still eating sooooo much...
Aggg! A WHAT! Is this the guy you were hanging out with when I came down?
ReplyDeleteThat is full of awesome. If you have time to Facebook/email me with details, I'd love to know what happened.
If I had to make a guess, I'd say you're over-eating because you're scared. I read somewhere that there are two times when things like overeating, smoking, etc, increase.
When things are going really badly, and when things start going really well.
The theory as I understand it is that people who are afraid of success, or afraid of hoping too much, or feel like they don't deserve good things, will sabotage themselves when things start going well.
I have no idea if this is valid, but it might explain why, after hitting my lowest weight in three months today, I went to church and had two doughnuts. *sigh*
I love you and I'm praying for you!
I think Miriam is on to something here.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're loving the job. It makes me happy to think I had something to do with it ;) and yeah, Brett can be a kick in the pants. Literally and metaphorically. He's not a gusher, though, so take the lack of criticism as praise. :) And always take a set of keys with you if you run out for lunch. I'm not there with my handy-dandy crowbar to break into the office for you both.