Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

I have repurposed my old blog into something new- a goal oriented blog where I track progress on eight goals I created at the beginning of 2012.

Goodbye Sweetie

Winter "Kitty" Anderson 1995-2010...

Updates

Car Update: For the price of a new cable for my battery and a trip to Nampa's Junkyard Jungle to hunt for a special part (which I hunted for and found all by myself!) my automatic seat belt is up and running! Woohoo! Special thanks to my boss and co-worker for their free labor! I am however in the market for a new car but am tentative about the process. Wish me luck!

Health Update: I continue my reduced calorie diet of which, according to the scale at work, has lost me about 7lbs. I have however fallen off the wagon twice within the last three days. Today was good though- right on track. I still haven't added any specific exercise. I know I can't avoid it forever. I guess I just don't have the stomach for it right now. Oh, wait- I DO have the stomach for it right now! (Cue bad joke finale- bom bom bomp!)

Financial Update: I got approved for a small loan towards a home or townhouse. The market is thick with inexpensive homes right now. I'm casually looking but am also feeling content in my apartment. Still if I can find a place I like with expenses similar to my current situation I wouldn't mind. I have to think clearly though. The extra expense of a car loan will shift my available funds substantially.

Kitchen Update: So, have I emptied my kitchen as proposed? Not so much. I don't have a real excuse except to say it is easier to count calories by purchasing food already portioned out. For example- a lot easier to consume a frozen meal at 400 calories then try to limit myself to only 400 calories of macaroni and cheese, of which I've known myself to polish off a whole box by my self. I have made some headway just nothing significant.

Romantic Update: Big fat Zero.

Spiritual Update: If you thought I lacked discipline in the other areas of my life wait till you hear this- I can't tell you the last time I cracked open a Bible. As much as I want to grow closer to God I am trying to grow without nourishment and it is not working so well.

Lazy Sunday

It not sunny but it's isn't raining. The pool is open and people are enjoying the outdoors on this fine Memorial day weekend. Somewhere north of here are crowded camp sites and the forests of Idaho smell of smoke and charred burgers. What could be more natural? We all need this three day weekend. I know I do. But I am not outside. I am in my living room flipping channels on the television and writing this blog.

I'm feeling a little low today despite the comfort of a break from work with no obligations. I feel insignificant. I think I know why. This weekend I have been exercising my mental muscles rather than my actual muscles. I allowed myself the indulgence of a mythical adventure series. You may have heard of it- Percy Jackson. These are quick reads. I can polish off one a day and have. I finished the fourth out of five books just last night. And although it peaked my senses and fed my imagination it has left me in ruins. See I love to read and always have, but for the longest time I have resisted getting into books. This is because when the story is over for the characters of the book it is also over for me. Whatever exhilaration I felt while reading the story, imagining I was there along with the hero, is gone. And everything real feels so ordinary.

Now the story of Percy Jackson isn't unlike my own. It is about a boy who discovers he is the son of one of the top three Greek gods- Poseidon. And as these stories go he finds himself with powers of his own, in the middle of an adventure- winging it, and making friends and enemies along the way. Now I obviously don't have super powers nor any defined quest to tend to but like Percy I do have holy lineage. I am the adopted daughter of the one true God, El Shaddai. El Elyon. El Olam.

So, I shouldn't despair that my life seems so small. But I am struggling. I want favor from my Father just as Percy struggles to find favor with his. At the same time however we fight to assert our independence and worth. Perhaps it is a lack of humility but I want something more than Sundays at home flipping channels. However, there are times that hanging out alone at home seems all I can handle. Besides, if I go off on an adventure, off into the unknown, wouldn't I perish? Or worse- give in to all the darkness in the world. I wonder if I already have as I sit here fighting with depression, inferiority, and loneliness; unable to reach out to others as I try to protect myself from getting hurt.

Books are wonderful escapes from reality but eventually their story comes to an end. But, for now, mine keeps going. I hope that one day I will devour my own journey with the enthusiasm and joy that I devour a book. I hope I can't put it down.





P.S. I realize that a lot of my blog posts have a melancholy twist. I thank you for letting me get my thoughts out and for your encouraging comments. I hope that even if my words seem sad that they may help you realize that if you ever feel this way, to any degree, you are not alone. Love and God bless.

Speaking of my Savior

God knows all our weary stories and all the sources and possibilities of evil in our natures. He knows the patent facts of our lives and the latent forces—the hurt and the heartbreak that others cannot see and which cannot be explained, even to our closest friends. He’s aware of the reasons for our moodiness, our temper tantrums, our selfish indulgences. Others may be put off by our personalities, but God never turns away. He sees beyond the prickliness to the broken heart. His understanding is infinite.

-David Roper

Scrumdiddlyumptious

My plans fell through last night so I spent the evening at home, tried to bake a two year old frozen pie and failed, and flipped back and forth between cable channels. I was delighted to find the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on. Don't get me wrong- I love the recent version with Johnny Depp with full appreciation for its closeness to the original Roald Dahl story. However there is just something magical about the 1971 version with Gene Wilder. Most likely due to reasons of nostalgia. I grew up with that movie in the background. And the music. I love watching Grandpa Joe wobbling around Charlie's tiny home to "I have a Golden Ticket." It makes me want a Golden Ticket. And on better days I know I have found one. There is no giant chocolate factory waiting for my arrival, but there is a deeper, richer, more beautiful inheritance for me in Heaven. And it isn't just sitting there waiting for my return it is being revealed day after day as I grow more and more in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ.

IDK

Over the last two weeks a lot has changed. Mostly concerning relationships. Relationships between friends, family, and other. Some are completely out of my control, but one is not. I have been struggling with my relationship with my boyfriend for awhile now. And after weeks of uncertainty I finally realized that I don't have to make myself like him more than I do or even love him. He is a great guy but if he is not the one then he just isn't. I also realized that I am not ready for marriage, and to be in a serious relationship for me is to be pursuing marriage. So after a long and nerve wracking conversation we are no longer a Couple. We are still friends however and will hang out, even go out, but casually and occasionally. Perhaps in the future there will be enough change on both sides for a romantic reconciliation but that is not to be forced and I don't want to force it.

So, breaking down the aftermath of my breakup- I feel better because I know I did the right thing. I also feel crumby cause I never wanted to let him down or hurt him. He has been very cool about everything though. I have such great people in my life and I am very blessed they put up with me. And finally I feel lonely because I'm left wondering if I have a lifetime of not being ready ahead of me.

So I am praying to my Father, "what now?" What should I be focusing my attention on? What should I be devoting my time to? Should I do the biblical studies program at Cole? Go overseas to teach? And what about love? No, seriously, what about love??

For now God hasn't given me any clear direction except to continue doing what I've set out to do: Honor Him, Get my debt paid off, Get healthy, Keep praying. And really that's not bad for direction. Not bad at all.